We're trying. We are doing the best we can.
I love Satchel. He can be an incredible dog. He's also frustrating and sometimes I just hate him. His playfulness and need to be loved are sweet and endearing. His angry barking, aggression towards almost all things, and his inability to snap out of his zone are not. I want to talk to him. I want to ask him what is wrong and what I can do. I want to know what happened to him in those first five months of his life to make him like this. I want to know what I can do to make it better.
Obedience is not our problem. He sits, he stays, he lays down, he bows, he plays dead. Our problems are deeper than that. People cannot come to my house unless he has an established relationship with them, and still, I'm on guard. I cannot let people or other dogs approach him, I do not know what he will do. His separation anxiety is heart-breaking. I am coming home, I tell him. I will be back. I will not leave you, I am not abandoning you. I love this dog. He lays his head next to mine on my pillow, he puts the weight of his body against me. He keeps me warm, he keeps me company.
But this behavior, it is not okay. It is unnerving, and frustrating, and it leaves me in a constant state of turmoil. I do not let my fear show, I do not let my anxiety feed to him. I stay calm, I stay in control, I stay his leader. He does not trust me in that position, this I know. He does not trust my decisions. He does not trust me on those long walks to return home safely. I tell him I do know the way home. I do know what is safe. I tell him his protection is needed and keeps me safe, but I do know what is right:
Be patient, fair, consistent, and kind.
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