southbound 95

i'm the worst. don't count on me to return your phone calls, your messages, your emails, or to post on my blog. clearly i'm a loner. checking voicemails gives me anxiety. i dont want to hear what they say. i don't know why that is, but it is. so, sorry. ok? for not returning your call from a month ago. i don't know whats wrong with me. maybe i talk to enough idiots at work 33 hours a week that on my off time, i want to hibernate. that i want to hide from people. i don't want to see them, talk to them, touch them, smile at them, or call them on the phone. i'm sorry. but i you did what i do for your cash, you would probably feel the same way some days.

which is why i'm happy to be here for a few days, despite poppy being laid up for a few days. i don't have to talk to anyone really. i just sit around, and smile, and i nod and i laugh and i keep up the conversation with TWO people only. i dunno, its kind of like I don't exist here. which is a good thing. i'm connected, but invisible all at once, and i don't feel bad about it.

i do feel bad about not running, considering its 70 degrees here. but i did run 3 times last week. thanks to nick and grace and one beautiful saturday out in the woods. that 4 mile run gave me a little pain in my knees, and it felt good. thats what i missed. i missed the pain i guess. i mean, the physical pain makes me feel like i'm doing something right, and it gets rid of the mental pain. so maybe its just transferring, but i don't mind the knee aches, the way the muscle feels like its pulling away from my bones. i'm anxious to give the pavement another pounding.

much like Life, Period i too am anxious to move to somewhere with some sunshine. but its coming. its coming to MD, and we're going to go get in Key West. Oh, by the way, speaking of key west. I heard through the grapevine at work, or from the horse's mouth that my newest not-friend is also going to key west. driving it seems, and flying home. who knows when that vacation was planned, as my newest not-friend has decided not to speak to me in the last couple weeks. all i have to say is HA, not-friend. HA HA HA! I already bought my plane tickets, my motel is patiently waiting arrival, and i might just splurge on a convertible for the drive i'm ready for. my photography class is giving me AWESOME skills to take INCREDIBLE pictures you couldn't even dream of. oh, and not-friend, I'm relieved you gave me back my curling iron. i'm relieved you have nothing to nice to say to me. I feel better. I'm tired of pretending to be your friend, and going out of my way, and being walked on by you. and how everything around me is just the same old stuff, and everything is so predictable, and all the same, and i feel like a character in a book i don't like and i hate the author that makes me do all these things that don't make me the least bit happy? well, you know what, not-friend, i'm not feeling like that anymore, and you're just another step. I hope that makes you feel as good as it makes me feel, not-friend. You are another step in editing this stupid book, with this stupid author, who forgot about exactly what things it is exactly that make me happy.

oh, and not-friend?

you aren't a step on the list of things i'm adding.

you are the step on the list of things i'm getting rid of.

take that, not-friend, and shove it.